Sui Caedere
by CltcMistress
Summary: Latin: "To Kill Oneself" A series of suicide notes done as a character study from each character's own point of view.
1. 01: Sleeping Pill Overdose

I don't own GW or the boys. =(

_***** READ THIS FIRST! *****_

**I in no way condone, support or suggest the idea of suicide to anyone!!! ** Please check out **Hopeline (dot) com** or **suicidehotlines (dot) com** if you or someone you know is considering or thinking about it.

This will be a series of suicide notes from each character's own point of view. They don't necessarily coincide with one another and my be written to stand alone. They may also occur at different times/points in life.

I did this solely as a character study. The concept of writing a suicide note from the character's perspective is done simply to gain insight to the priorities, beliefs, etc. of the character. I've got a longer fic in the works and felt this would be an interesting exercise in the meantime. Anyways, feel free to drop some feedback if you feel it necessary.

* * *

I never planned on seeing this day.

I want to establish that now before you continue.

From the moment I first grasped what my purpose in this life was, I never considered the idea that I would someday see my twenty fifth birthday. The concept of seeing the end of the war, and peace finally come to both Earth and the colonies, was not something I planned on experiencing. It's hard work ensuring this peace continues.

I'm tired.

Too many lives have been lost in humanity's constant bickering. Lives of the innocent. Lives of the guilty. Too many lives. Including my own. My entire life was dedicated to caring for others. And now I find there is no other way for me to live. I cannot find it in myself to care for my own life. I have never cared for my own life.

I've become a burden on those I considered my brothers in arms. I refuse to hold them down. This new life of peace and prosperity suits them better than it does me. I have been gifted with friendship and trust that I once had all but forgotten. The best I can do to return this favor is to remove myself from their lives and allow them to continue their own missions without me.

Every soldier deserves his rest. It has come time for mine. I have been perfect for too long. No. Not perfect. I have adhered to the image that others have given me for too long. I have followed orders and fulfilled missions without question for too long. It is time for me to depart from that image and the relative expectations. It is time for this soldier to lay down his weapon and retire. I am too tired to continue the fight any longer.

There are some things I have left to say before I can take my rest. One final mission.

Wufei. Humanity will not always do the right thing. But have some faith that things will work out. Enjoy the life you have fought so hard to protect.

Quatre. Place your trust in humanity in the way you placed your trust in all of us to protect it. Continue to show others what you taught us; life is precious, even if it is squandered by those who don't realize it's value yet.

Trowa. Don't let your past actions define who you are. There is more to a man than his name and his profession. Take this chance to create your own true identity.

Duo. Don't hide behind your smile forever. Share your joy and your pain. They go hand in hand.

That said, my own purpose in this life is complete. My mission is complete.

I leave myself to whatever rest is on the other side for a tired soldier.

The battle is done for me.

~ Heero Yuy


	2. 02: Cliff Dive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own GW or the characters. I simply enjoying tormenting them. =)

**I in no way condone, support or suggest the idea of suicide to anyone!!! ** Please check out **Hopeline (dot) com** or **suicidehotlines (dot) com** if you or someone you know is considering or thinking about it.

* * *

Dear God, Buddha, Allah, Whatever.

Since you seem to have it stuck in that big all-knowing head of yours that I'm supposed to stay here, I'm gonna throw you a hint.

I don' want be here anymore. I'm done with it. So whatever the hell it is you think I'm supposed to do in this life, I'm done.

I'm cashing in my chips and leaving.

My whole existence I have only known war, death and destruction. This new world of peace, love and prosperity is new to me and I don't know how to handle it.

The God of Death doesn't belong in such a picturesque life. Too many ghosts haunt me. I find myself looking over my left shoulder more than I'm looking ahead. I can't even begin to confess the sins I've committed.

There is no retribution for what I've done.

So I've come to the last thing I can do.

I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie.

I'm running. I've been running for years. But now I race to the finish and I won't lie and say it's some noble idea. I'm running away and leaving this world behind.

I'm taking my sins and my demons with me.

So listen up, you big all-knowing deities in the sky. You're about to have company. (Unless ya'll decide you don't like me and force me to live through this… Then I'll be pissed and _still_ stuck here.) But anyways.

I'm done with it here.

Catch ya'll on the flip side!

-Duo-

And BTW: Don't get all mopey and miss me. That means you too Q-babe. See ya when it's your turn.

P.S. Don't fear the reaper. He's got a great sense of humor…


End file.
